well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
