I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
