I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
