I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
