oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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