I showed him my bush... on skype.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
