I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
