You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize