I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
