he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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