what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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