im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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