Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
