i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
