I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
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I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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