You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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