I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
