Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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