Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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