He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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