I faked an abortion last night.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
