I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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