Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so much tequila, so little girl.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
