Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
