i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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