By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
