after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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