I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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