maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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