Im at strip club and am horny
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
