I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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