I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
