planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How naked do you want me to be?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
