I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
