i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples