By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.