i think i have two assholes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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