if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
