Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
