she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
