So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
