so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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