She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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