wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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