Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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