smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
