and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
