wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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