Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
