im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's great music for shaving your balls
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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