Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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