I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
