An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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