Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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