Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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