I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize