Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
