Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
