What a fucking waste of an outfit
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
