i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
