Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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