I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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