guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
