I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
