where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
