There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
