Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
