I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
