we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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