so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
