The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
