I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
there is glitter all over my balls
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
