I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
