Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize