I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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