So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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