Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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