Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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