I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My cat gives me a boner
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
