I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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