"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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