The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize