Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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