I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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