cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
