The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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