I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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