just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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