I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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