just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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