i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
