i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
FUCK WHALES
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
