I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
