I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
